You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
