I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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