Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
