she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
