Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
