I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
