"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
