u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize