I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to sanitize my soul.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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