There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
