the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
