You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to make out with him forever
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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