When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
