i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
