things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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