And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
