I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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