He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
