She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
