My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
