had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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