pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
