She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
