my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
