Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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