i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
