I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
