I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
