It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
