Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
