I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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