i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
