He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wanna passion pit in your ass
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
