Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
