somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
