It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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