I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
