We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize