the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
