I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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