standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
