My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
