You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
