i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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