it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she peed on how many people?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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