you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
