i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
