I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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