also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize