I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize