My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
