Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
