Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
