I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
