Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
