I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
