I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Randomize