Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
