He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
