I think I died a long time ago.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
