oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
