My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
