can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize