i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
