My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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