I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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