meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
