thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
