Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
