im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize