I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
